Sibling relationships can vary depending on how well siblings get along with each other, but no matter how compatible they may be, there are bound to be conflicts which can lead to sibling rivalry. Although sibling rivalry is often identified as negative, it can help develop skills that are useful in the future.
Sibling rivalry is normal and is often caused by competition, jealousy or fighting. Children may fight for attention from their parents or compete to show that they are better than their siblings.
According to kidshealth.com, “Younger kids sometimes feel like the older kids get to do whatever they want and older brothers and sisters think that the baby of the family gets the most attention.”
Mathematics teacher Lisa Cockett said, “I was the youngest of four children. My older sisters were 10 and 12 years older than me and always looked out and cared for me. Although my sisters were kind, my brother always made trouble for me and we often argued.”
“My younger brother and I mainly argue about school work, and because I am older, I tend to urge him to study more and stay off the computer,” said sophomore Angela Wong. “We also argue about petty things like which TV show to watch or places to eat for dinner.”
Children often want to create their own identity to separate themselves from their siblings. As they develop their own interests, talents and personalities, kids aim to capture the attention of their parents or of those they care about.
“My twin sister Courtney and I argue about a lot of things, but one of the biggest things we argue about is being individuals,” said Junior Ashley Seki. “Since we are twins, many people think we love to do things together, but we actually try to do very different things from each other.”
Role modeling is also expected from older children, another reason for sibling rivalry.
“My parents expect me to set the standards of grades and characteristics for my brother. I think he is competitive with himself to reach the ‘standards’ that I set in school and my life,” said Wong.
“As a child, I never argued with my brother about anything significant,” said Cockett. “Our arguments were always about about ‘whose fault’ it was when something goes wrong.”
Rivalry between siblings does have some positive impact on children, however, teaching them cooperation and compromise. Siblings may be jealous of each other, but it motivates them to be their best and achieve their potential.
Cockett said, “Sibling rivalry is good because it’s healthy to argue with your siblings and learn how to resolve your issues in the process.”
“I think rivalry can build stronger relationships between siblings. For example, my brother and I sometimes compete with each other in sports. Despite it, I always support and cheer him on during his games,” said Wong. “Having a younger brother has allowed me to become a more responsible and caring person.”
“Sibling rivalry can be good at times because it leads to the realization that siblings are important in life. My sister and I may argue an awful lot, but if I didn’t have her in my life, I would not be who I am today,” said sophomore Glenny Quiaoit.
Courtney Seki agreed. “Not only is Ashley my sister, but she is a friend who I can talk to about almost anything with. Despite our differences, we find a way to work things out and try to understand each other.”
